New York May Have Fault Divorce Nostalgia Syndrome

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New York Law Journal, February 5, 2024 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

However it may be that you define the word “romance,” it is undeniable that romance runs through the river that is the divorce process. On a superficial level, that juxtaposition may seem incomprehensible, but even the divorce lawyer that is half paying attention knows full well that romance is part and parcel of the divorce story.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Some divorcing persons decree that they will never partake in any romantic relationships for the rest of time. Many, however, cannot resist the allure of togetherness, and that brings us to the topic of dating during divorce, and more specifically, the Appellate Division, First Department’s recent decision in Allen v. Allen, 2023 N.Y. Slip Op. 06588 (N.Y. App. Div. 2023).

This author was admittedly surprised at the sheer volume of articles, blogs, and punditry online about the topic of dating during divorce, and whether or not it is “allowed” in New York while a divorce action is pending. A Google search of “can you date during divorce in New York” yields an affirmative answer but with caveats and warnings of potentially entering the Gates of Hades.

Some websites respond to the question with this quote: “those who choose to do this should be extremely cautious.” Others advise that dating during divorce “isn’t a great idea.” Then there are the “dos and don’ts” of dating during divorce, how to “take it slow,” and not to be forgotten in our current culture, how to “use the apps” during divorce.

Putting aside the mountain of talking heads on this topic, in New York’s “irretrievable breakdown” (i.e., no-fault) divorce structure—which as I will discuss below is not a true no-fault regime—dating during divorce should in theory be a non-issue, unless of course in the financial context there are issues of marital waste.

Read more on our website.

Attorney Spotlight: New York—Steve Goldfeder

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

This edition of Attorney Spotlight highlights another one of my revered New York City colleagues in Blank Rome’s Matrimonial & Family Law group—Steve Goldfeder.

Steven W. Goldfeder
Partner

A graduate of The University of New York at Albany and Brooklyn Law School, Steve has been practicing law for over 30 years and is a fantastic member of our Matrimonial & Family Law team at the firm. A native New Yorker, Steve became involved in matrimonial law right after law school and took to it well. Looking back at his career, Steve appreciates that as a matrimonial lawyer, he has had the opportunity to help people during one of the most difficult parts of their lives. Steve often finds that his clients are very grateful for the help he has provided, which can be the most rewarding feeling as an attorney.

When working with clients who are going through a very emotional divorce, Steve explains that as a lawyer, a “bedside manner” is often just as important as the skills and experience he provides. When a person approaches an attorney to handle their divorce, they do not just want a skilled lawyer. They also need to trust their legal counsel with their life and story despite how the separation impacts them. Steve is a lawyer with the ability to empathize with his clients and to also truly understand them.

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The Other Side of the Fence: Getting to Know Loneliness (and Yourself) after Divorce

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Stacy D. Phillips

Divorce is a lot of things. The experience drives, introduces, and perhaps even throws us entirely into a new reality. That is true even if we wanted the divorce. Yet whatever the experience or emotions one may have because of divorce, it is most certainly an end. A feeling (sometimes an overwhelming feeling) of loneliness after divorcing is a normal emotion. Loneliness can overwhelm the very best of us, and that yearning for companionship, friendship, and in many cases, completion, can often seem to be far too consuming to handle even for one more day. Nevertheless, the next day is coming, and the world is turning whether one welcomes this new normal or not.

Quite often, this new reality seems nothing but cold and unyielding. Many of us have had (or currently are having) that feeling of being in a fugue state after a relationship’s end. It really can be jarring to our entire systems. You are now a single person, and “single” brings with it its own brand of new. How long we can linger in this state is entirely up to ourselves.

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The Unhappiest (or Happiest, for Some) Month of the Year – January is National Divorce Month (Or Is It?)

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

I love a good national holiday. Who doesn’t? But even though I am a divorce attorney, National Divorce Month is not particularly high on my list of celebratory events.

January has been dubbed Divorce Month by family lawyers because in December, when everyone is wrapped up in the holidays and spending time with family and friends, many people rightly do not want to proceed with a separation or divorce. These actions would ruin the holidays for all parties involved and leave sad memories and associations long after the pain has subsided. Typically, couples will save marital changes until the start of a new year.

Of course, Divorce Month might be something of a myth. Fox News reported back in 2015 that divorce filings consistently peak during March and August. These trends are fascinating anecdotally, but February and September might also be strong candidates. After Valentine’s Day, when things don’t go so well, and maybe September, once the summer is over and the kids are going back to school, are times when married couples take stock of their relationship and consider whether or not to seek a divorce. Frankly, I want to validate if divorce filings statistically increase in these months for the whole country—consistent with my empirical observations.

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Euthanizing Pets During Divorce: It’s Complicated

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New York Law Journal, January 8, 2024 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

On May 19, 2018, my family’s golden retriever (Scarlett) of 13 years, collapsed. 30 minutes later, after I had told my children to say their tearful goodbyes, Scarlett was at the veterinarian’s office, put to sleep for good.

The imagery around the series of events leading up to the end does not go away, and I’m confident that anyone reading this who has been through the heartache of knowing when your pet has nothing more to give also remembers the details of that last day.

As I went back through the emails and text messages of May 19, 2018, nowhere did I find language along these lines: “Today we are saying goodbye to a wonderful piece of chattel.”

Indeed, that would be ridiculous. Instead, I found emails and text messages that included this phrase: “She was a part of our family.”

It is that sentiment—whether for those of us who have owned (or own) dogs, cats, or other pets that become part of our daily lives—that brings us to a discussion of Judge Edmund M. Dane’s recent decision in C.M. v. E.M., 2023 NY Slip Op 23369.

C.M. concerned whether or not the euthanasia of a family’s dog during the pendency of a matrimonial action is violative of the automatic orders. The court held that euthanasia of a companion animal without the other party’s consent is not violative of the automatic orders (“While the defendant may have other remedies at law—both civilly and criminally—the narrow and drastic remedy of contempt of court…is not one of them”).

The parties were married in 2002, having two children in common. The defendant (husband) argued that “B.” was an emotional support dog “whose custody had not been determined” and that his wife (plaintiff) “did not discuss B.’s medical condition nor provide the opportunity for the defendant to spend time with B. before the dog’s death.”

Plaintiff argued that B. “was not an emotional support animal, could no longer walk without a severe limp, had ‘too many’ masses to count, and was on significant pain medication since July 2023…she was given a prescription for a tranquilizer for the dog, transported the dog to the vet, and at the vet appointment, the dog lunged at the vet…the vet recommended euthanasia.”

The defendant claimed he was never informed of the vet’s recommendation, and there was “no urgent need for B.’s euthanasia.”

Read more on our website.

Divorce Law Ends 2023 on a High Note

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New York Law Journal, December 11, 2023 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

This author started off the New Year in January 2023 with an article showcasing a decision by the Honorable Jeffrey S. Sunshine that demonstrated excellence in the practice of matrimonial law.

As 2023 comes to a close, given the state of world affairs, I find myself searching for any remaining vestiges of humanity. If I have to return to matrimonial jurisprudence to find vestiges of humanity, so be it.

Against that admittedly bleak backdrop, which I do not believe is overstated considering what has transpired in our world over the last few months, I felt my confidence in the willingness and dedication of our courts to do what is right, and what is just, sparked by Judge Edmund M. Dane’s Nov. 14, 2023 decision in T.H. v. G.M., 2023 NY Slip Op 51267(U).

T.H. brings us back to the standards under which a divorcing person may seek temporary exclusive use and occupancy of a home, which results in the physical separation of parents during divorce. As a general matter (excluding cases involving alarming threats of harm/extreme emotional abuse) there must be competent proof of physical violence or damage to property to justify the remedy of temporary exclusive use and occupancy. Failing that, if one spouse has an alternative residence, and his/her return to the home would cause strife, the exclusive use remedy may also be available.

A restrictive view of domestic violence has regrettably permeated matrimonial jurisprudence into following a litmus test of sorts that asks this: does the person seeking the exclusive use remedy have a black eye, or something equivalent?

Read more on our website.

In the News

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Below is a roundup of our attorneys’ recent awards, recognitions, media, and other accomplishments from around the country.


October Is National Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month: My Appeal to You

October 19, 2023 – In this LinkedIn Article, Stacy D. Phillips discusses her thoughts and advice on National Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

Celebrity Divorce Lawyers Explain Why There Have Been So Many A-List Splits: ‘It Almost Seems Contagious’

October 19, 2023 – Brett S. Ward was interviewed by People Magazine discussing the numerous amounts of celebrity divorce cases. 

ASK STACY (Vol. 7) – Celebrity Decouplings and Getting Personal About My Likes

October 17, 2023 – In this LinkedIn Article, Stacy D. Phillips answers questions from her readers and podcast listeners and shares her “hot takes” and insights on the issues.

Blank Rome Partners Recognized in the 2024 Lawdragon 500 Leading Family Lawyers

October 13, 2023 – Blank Rome LLP is pleased to announce that 17 Matrimonial and Family Law partners have been named to the 2024 Lawdragon 500 Leading Family Lawyers.

The ‘Final Straw’ That Led to Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’s Divorce

October 6, 2023 – Michelle M. Gervais was interviewed by DailyMail.com discussing the custody battle resulting from the separation of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner.

Attention New York Divorce Lawyers: Learn Insurance Law

October 4, 2023 – Alan R. Feigenbaum authored this New York Law Journal article discussing insurance law distinctions in divorced parent cases.

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Attorney Spotlight: New York—Norman Heller

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

This edition of Attorney Spotlight highlights one of my revered New York City colleagues in Blank Rome’s Matrimonial & Family Law group, Norman Heller.

Norman S. Heller
Partner

A graduate of Haverford College and Boston University School of Law, Norm has been practicing law for over 40 years and does incredible work for his clients. Before entering the world of matrimonial law, Norm worked as an appellate attorney and later a trial lawyer in the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office, handling various felony cases and matters while making a name for himself in the profession. Norm then began to practice matrimonial law, where he found himself representing clients in complex divorce, custody, and equitable distribution matters in the states of both New York and Connecticut.

As a lawyer, Norm is and always has been the consummate professional. No matter the situation or client he is working with, Norm is the pinnacle of how a lawyer should conduct him or herself. Norm treats his clients and fellow lawyers with respect, always exuding confidence, and maintains his reputation for fairness with a good nature, even in the heat of a difficult legal battle.

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Protecting Children’s Safety: The Divorce Court’s Awesome Power

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New York Law Journal, November 2, 2023 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

In 2016, ESPN’s 30 for 30 series released “Doc and Darryl,” a documentary profile of the former New York Mets legends Dwight “Doc” Gooden and Darryl Strawberry.

In that documentary, Bob Forrest—identified as an addiction specialist—delivers the following, harrowing words on the issue of substance abuse: “In the end, if you don’t realize how $%@! up you are being a drug addict, you’re probably going to keep $%@! up.”

Outside of divorce practice, some of us have lived the terribly sad experience of trying to help someone who succumbs to substance abuse who does not himself/herself come to the realization that Forrest spoke of in Doc and Darryl.

As divorce lawyers, many of us have crossed paths with this phenomenon as well, which often times manifests itself in the form of a client who, despite handwriting on the wall type evidence of a substance abuse problem, remains adamant that “there is nothing wrong with me.”

When children of divorce find themselves in a situation where one, or both parents, suffer from substance abuse problems, trial judges in matrimonial cases are faced with the daunting task of establishing appropriate protocols to ensure that those same children are kept safe.

Such was the case in the matter of SG v. MG, NY Slip Op 51063(U) (Supreme Court, Nassau County, Oct. 5, 2023) (Dane, J.), where the court had to confront how to address a party’s continued use of Adderall in the context of safeguards surrounding access with the parties’ children.

Read more on our website.

Escaping Fear. Going Through It, and Not Around.

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

The Fall season is upon us, and October, in particular, can be quite beautiful. Perhaps not as much in Los Angeles, where I live. My neighbors and I are not always as fortunate to see all the fall foliage beauty. All the same, the scorching hot summer is behind us, and the trees are shedding their leaves, creating a new array of colors in the landscape (at least in many parts of the country), and letting us know that our seasons always change. October is also associated with fear. Halloween is the holiday where we celebrate scary things, adorning our walls with skeletons and ghosts and the like, even dressing up in monster costumes and having fun with all the things that can be frightening and go bump in the night. There is also the fear of the unknown and handling what’s next in life, and that is why going through a divorce can itself be scary. This is the type of fear that can be real.

The entertainingly macabre holiday of Halloween actually has many roots in ancient Celtic culture. Halloween’s origins lie in the pagan festival of Samhain (pronounced Sow-win). That festival, meaning “summer’s end,” ushered in the Celtic new year and welcomed a time of death and rebirth. It signaled the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the cold and dark winter months that would present many challenges and tribulations for the people living in the ancient world. During the festival of Samhain, to appease the various deities during this time, sacrifices (most often of animals and crops) were burned in large bonfires, not only to appease the gods worshiped at the time but also to ward off other visiting or more mischievous spirits that could come haunting. Though theatrical in ceremony, people knew it was time for the past to die and time to survive the bitter winter ahead.

Be they in ancient times or today, if dark emotions are about us in our personal lives, if a divorce is making one shiver from both the cold and the fear, then the decision is ours to either cower before all the scares or celebrate the death of the old and rebirth of the new.

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