New York Law Journal, June 4, 2024 —
There is something about parental arguments over children, otherwise known as custody disputes in the matrimonial arena, that generate a spectrum of emotions not seen in the context of disputes over dollars. Certainly, financial disputes carry their own set of emotions for divorcing spouses. But custody disputes tend to open the door to claims made in litigation that, from the outsider’s attentive view, are sometimes a bridge too far.
How can we explain the tendency of litigants to overreach when it comes to custody disputes? First, there is the salt on the wound feeling from shifting from a world in which a parent (stay at home or working) expects to see their child each day to a world in which days are spent by a parent without his or her child in the home.
Ashleigh Louis, Ph.D., a mediator with a background as a dual-licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist who does work for Quantum ADR, describes the feeling of absence as follows: “Every moment that is allocated to the other parent is time that parent does not get to spend with their child, and the absence of control and oversight over their child’s wellbeing can set off a cascade of worry and distress. There tends to be significant hurt, anger, resentment, sadness, and other challenging feelings that can permeate the ongoing lens through which they view the other parent, not only in their relationship with each other, but also in their relationship with their shared children.”