Category Archives: Child Access

Mandatory Parent Education: Hope for New York Families

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, September 4, 2025 —

It is no secret to New York’s family law bar that divorce and separation stress can trigger lasting trauma in young children, teens, adult children, and their parents, and can reshape young and adult brains and emotional health.

If you were to poll the matrimonial bar and take their temperature on questions such as: Is the AFC (attorneys for children) structure working for families in contested custody cases (why or why not)?; Is the parent coordinator dynamic working for families in contested custody cases (why or why not)?; and/or is the appointment of forensic psychologists or related mental health professionals in contested custody cases bringing families closer to resolution or farther from resolution?; we suspect the answers would run the gamut.

To be sure, there are AFCs, parent coordinators, family therapists, and forensic psychiatrists that have done and are doing upstanding work for New York’s families in distress. But we cannot ignore that, as with almost anything in the legal profession, there is always room for improvement.

With that in mind, the State legislature has a chance to ameliorate the negative impacts of parental breakup with a remedy justified by science and decades of research and experience: mandatory parent education in disputed custody cases.

A new bill, filed this year in the State Assembly, would mandate that parents involved in contested custody matters be required to attend a state-approved parent education program as part of the processing of their matter through the Supreme and Family courts.

Read more on our website.

Constructive Emancipation in Divorce: A Steep Evidentiary Burden

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, August 21, 2025 —

One of the most glaring contradictions in the practice of matrimonial law is that divorce litigation proceeds all the way up through the start of a trial without being governed by the rules of evidence. But when a trial starts, perhaps years after the divorce action has been commenced, all of a sudden the rules of evidence are front and center.

The danger posed by this contradiction should be obvious: an attorney can prosecute an argument or arguments for the better part of 80 to 90 percent of the duration of a divorce litigation without concern for questions such as (1) is this hearsay, and if so, is there a hearsay exception that applies; (2) is this document authenticated; (3) can I get this document in evidence even though its author is no longer alive; (4) is this a business record, and many more.

But when trial starts, the unchained litigious arguments that an attorney can make in motion papers and at oral argument on motions without evidentiary restriction are met with a gigantic brick wall, and that attorney had better be ready with concrete evidence.

That brings us to the subject of constructive emancipation of children in divorce, which to my mind incorporates one of the most challenging and complex burdens of proof in the scheme of the many claims that can be made in the context of divorce litigation.

In the recent decision of L.E. v. Y.E., 2025 NY Slip Op 51038(U) (Family Court, Westchester County, May 2025), the petitioner-father sought to discontinue his child support obligations for his three children on the basis that they had been constructively emancipated. Prior to the father’s modification petition, the mother had been awarded sole legal and physical custody, with the father having “supervised and/or unsupervised access” with the children.

The father ceased paying all support in 2023, and alleged that “despite his efforts, the children have refused to see him for six years, and by their choice and not his actions, and as a result, are constructively emancipated.”

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What It Means to Have ‘Joint Legal Custody’

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, November 1, 2024 —

As divorce lawyers, when we break down the parameters of “physical custody” and “legal custody,” we tend to proceed on autopilot.

Meaning, we immediately begin to determine what could be a workable “regular schedule” (which parent is with a child, when, and for how long, in a 14-night cycle, i.e., 7-7, 8-6, 9-5) and a “holiday/vacation schedule,” i.e., who has this holiday versus that holiday in “even-numbered” vs. “odd-numbered” years.

We then get to work on how “major decisions” affecting a child’s welfare will be made, e.g., sole decision-making, joint decision-making, joint decision-making with a parenting coordinator as a “tiebreaker” of sorts, etc.

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The State of New York Divorce Practice

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, July 26, 2024 —

Compassion, humanity and the resources to act promptly are greatly needed when it comes to making sure that the matrimonial courts in New York are able to continue providing invaluable assistance to families in distress. Our matrimonial courts are tasked with protecting the best interests of children across this entire state. If our courts are slow to act due to backlog and insufficient resources then that reality has the potential to enable bad actors to prevail, secure in the knowledge that the courts may struggle to stop them. So the question I have is, have our matrimonial courts been provided with the resources necessary to protect children of divorce?

To answer that question, I decided to poll some of the many upstanding members of our Bar, as well as a retired judge, and get their views on the matter. To conclude this article, I will share my views as well.

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When There Are No Custody Heartstrings to Pull

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, June 4, 2024 —

There is something about parental arguments over children, otherwise known as custody disputes in the matrimonial arena, that generate a spectrum of emotions not seen in the context of disputes over dollars. Certainly, financial disputes carry their own set of emotions for divorcing spouses. But custody disputes tend to open the door to claims made in litigation that, from the outsider’s attentive view, are sometimes a bridge too far.

How can we explain the tendency of litigants to overreach when it comes to custody disputes? First, there is the salt on the wound feeling from shifting from a world in which a parent (stay at home or working) expects to see their child each day to a world in which days are spent by a parent without his or her child in the home.

Ashleigh Louis, Ph.D., a mediator with a background as a dual-licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist who does work for Quantum ADR, describes the feeling of absence as follows: “Every moment that is allocated to the other parent is time that parent does not get to spend with their child, and the absence of control and oversight over their child’s wellbeing can set off a cascade of worry and distress. There tends to be significant hurt, anger, resentment, sadness, and other challenging feelings that can permeate the ongoing lens through which they view the other parent, not only in their relationship with each other, but also in their relationship with their shared children.”

Read more on our website.

Divorce Law Ends 2023 on a High Note

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New York Law Journal, December 11, 2023 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

This author started off the New Year in January 2023 with an article showcasing a decision by the Honorable Jeffrey S. Sunshine that demonstrated excellence in the practice of matrimonial law.

As 2023 comes to a close, given the state of world affairs, I find myself searching for any remaining vestiges of humanity. If I have to return to matrimonial jurisprudence to find vestiges of humanity, so be it.

Against that admittedly bleak backdrop, which I do not believe is overstated considering what has transpired in our world over the last few months, I felt my confidence in the willingness and dedication of our courts to do what is right, and what is just, sparked by Judge Edmund M. Dane’s Nov. 14, 2023 decision in T.H. v. G.M., 2023 NY Slip Op 51267(U).

T.H. brings us back to the standards under which a divorcing person may seek temporary exclusive use and occupancy of a home, which results in the physical separation of parents during divorce. As a general matter (excluding cases involving alarming threats of harm/extreme emotional abuse) there must be competent proof of physical violence or damage to property to justify the remedy of temporary exclusive use and occupancy. Failing that, if one spouse has an alternative residence, and his/her return to the home would cause strife, the exclusive use remedy may also be available.

A restrictive view of domestic violence has regrettably permeated matrimonial jurisprudence into following a litmus test of sorts that asks this: does the person seeking the exclusive use remedy have a black eye, or something equivalent?

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Protecting Children’s Safety: The Divorce Court’s Awesome Power

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New York Law Journal, November 2, 2023 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

In 2016, ESPN’s 30 for 30 series released “Doc and Darryl,” a documentary profile of the former New York Mets legends Dwight “Doc” Gooden and Darryl Strawberry.

In that documentary, Bob Forrest—identified as an addiction specialist—delivers the following, harrowing words on the issue of substance abuse: “In the end, if you don’t realize how $%@! up you are being a drug addict, you’re probably going to keep $%@! up.”

Outside of divorce practice, some of us have lived the terribly sad experience of trying to help someone who succumbs to substance abuse who does not himself/herself come to the realization that Forrest spoke of in Doc and Darryl.

As divorce lawyers, many of us have crossed paths with this phenomenon as well, which often times manifests itself in the form of a client who, despite handwriting on the wall type evidence of a substance abuse problem, remains adamant that “there is nothing wrong with me.”

When children of divorce find themselves in a situation where one, or both parents, suffer from substance abuse problems, trial judges in matrimonial cases are faced with the daunting task of establishing appropriate protocols to ensure that those same children are kept safe.

Such was the case in the matter of SG v. MG, NY Slip Op 51063(U) (Supreme Court, Nassau County, Oct. 5, 2023) (Dane, J.), where the court had to confront how to address a party’s continued use of Adderall in the context of safeguards surrounding access with the parties’ children.

Read more on our website.

Healing After Divorce

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Stacy D. Phillips

As we head into a new year, there once again is renewed hope that we are finally ready to heal our collective wounds from this pandemic that has overstayed its time with us. For the recently separated or divorced, those newly empty seats that were seen around the table at the holidays resonated, making this time of year especially difficult. Like any other stressful experience, many have “white knuckled” their way through a divorce and have not been able to process their feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and angst in a healthy way.

For the recently separated or divorced who have children, the holidays were an especially emotional time. We had grown accustomed to full family gatherings. Now, the children may have shuttled between two gatherings on the same night or perhaps split Christmas Eve/Day or the days of Channukah. As parents, we have our own emotions to contend with but also need to be attuned to our children who may be sad and act out because of a separation or divorce.

For those who were particularly impacted by psychological battles with their ex-spouse, I offer a short list of tips that I first identified in my book, Divorce: It’s All About Control—How to Win the Emotional, Psychological, and Legal Wars, which can help minimize the residue from divorce and allow you to begin the healing process.

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Mastering the Art of the Holiday Pivot

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Lois Liberman

It may feel like Scrooge had something to do with the Omicron variant, as many of us are finding long-awaited vacation plans and holiday gatherings scuttled—due to a positive test result, exposure to someone with COVID- 19, or the sudden onset of symptoms. The current reality this holiday season is that you will need to be prepared to pivot on the fly. Some tips and best practices are below.

Wishing everyone (minimally stressful) warm and happy holidays!

MASTERING THE ART OF THE HOLIDAY PIVOT

  • EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. Even the boosted are getting sick, so try to manage expectations for you and your kids.
  • SET CO-PARENTING CONTINGENCY PLANS WITH YOUR EX. Have 2–3 scenarios mapped out for vacation division (travel insurance, agreed upon make-up time, and how potential quarantine obligations will be handled).
  • LIMIT THE NUMBER OF FRIENDS AND RELATIVES THAT YOU’LL ENCOUNTER. Take into consideration each person’s health and risk tolerance before trips or in-person celebrations.
  • TEST AND TRACE. Keep tabs, take at-home tests in advance of and the day after each social gathering and ask your co-parent to do the same.

“Salt-and-Pepper” Divorces: The Fight for Control When Long-Term Couples Split (Part I)

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Stacy D. Phillips 

With the recent announcement that Bill and Melinda Gates, one of the wealthiest couples in the world, were divorcing after nearly three decades of marriage, I have seen an increase in interest in what the media refers to as “gray” divorces, or marriages that end after 25 to 35 years. Personally, I prefer the term “salt-and-pepper” divorce because most often these couples are not considered elderly. After more than a year of limited mobility and social distancing, many couples have felt that they have spent practically another lifetime together at home. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought many couples closer together, but for others it has exacerbated tensions that have existed under the surface, often for decades. With time and soul-searching over the past year and especially now that COVID-19 restrictions are now being relaxed and lifted across the U.S. and much of the world, many older couples are building the courage to address the six big issues that I identified in my book, Divorce: It’s All About Control – How to Win the Emotional, Psychological, and Legal Wars, as the main causes of divorce. In Part I of this two-part series I discuss how salt-and-pepper couples approach three of these issues—money, property, and wealth; children; and health. Part II will focus on loss of love/intimacy; growth; and fear.

Money, Property, and Wealth

One of the biggest distinctions of salt-and-pepper (and gray) divorces is that couples in long-term marriages are more likely to divorce at or near the end of accumulating income from their prime working years. When older couples approach divorce and separation, each spouse is acutely aware that after the split, whatever assets are left may have to last them the rest of their lives. In particular, a spouse who was the non-earner during the marriage may not be able to force the other spouse who is at or past common retirement age to continue working to pay spousal support. What may be more likely to be left for salt-and-pepper couples that are no longer earning income from working is passive income from assets that are subject to capital gains tax if sold. In light of the impact of COVID-19, there are many couples who have income tied to previously cash-producing real estate assets that have taken a hit due to rent abatement, rent freezes, and eviction moratoriums. When the lockdowns began at the beginning of the pandemic, I noticed that many people either held off on initiating a divorce or filed for divorce because lower asset valuations were to their advantage. Now that the pandemic restrictions are ending and businesses are reopening, I am still seeing a good number of people waiting to see if the economy and the value of their assets will fully stabilize before pursuing a divorce, or they are jumping on the depressed economy to try and extract a valuation advantage.

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