Tag Archives: marriage

To Be or Not to Be, or Be Single or Be Married

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

Marriage and divorce rates continue to change, but one trend is clear: more people are choosing to remain single. At the same time, single life has become more widely accepted. As social norms evolve, lifestyles once viewed as unconventional are increasingly regarded as ordinary, and in many cases, fully embraced.

We have not heard the word often, yet matrimania (the common focus on marriage and coupling) has been a ubiquitous sentiment for some time. We do get excited when we or someone we know is getting married, or even married again after a divorce. This, of course, is natural and understandable; as social beings, we are wired for connection, and partnership has long been one way people build families and carry life forward. At the same time, we should not overlook those who choose to remain single or assume, through a traditional lens, that single life is any less meaningful, fulfilling, or valuable.

Single Is Not Solitary

Before marriage, after marriage, and every stage in between, I have spent time working through life’s challenges and maintaining healthy relationships with friends and family. Being single does not indicate a lack of care for loved ones. In fact, “family” is not limited to the traditional image of a married couple with children, a pet, and a comfortable home. It encompasses a wide range of connections, including parents, siblings, grandparents, extended relatives, stepfamily, adopted family, chosen family, and others who hold significance in one another’s lives.

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Relationship Expectations. Expect the Unexpected.

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

In any relationship, especially marriage, managing expectations is crucial for achieving and maintaining overall success with your partner. Expectations are dynamic and play a significant role in our lives, defining who we are and shaping our relationships. These expectations come in various forms and magnitudes, influencing how we interact with our partners.

That said, it is not too bold of a statement to say many marriages fail due to our experience with these expectations, and how we react when those expectations are not met is of no less significance. Indeed, it feels great when our expectations are met, and that feeling of being gratified and reciprocated in life is what we have been looking for all along. However, living life by measuring relationships by our own expectations can be harmful, and how we manage these feelings and expectations will often be the determining factor of success or failure.

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Epochs and Change. Facing Our Times, along with Ourselves.

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Protecting Your Family Matters Newsletter, Summer 2024 ●

Stacy D. Phillips ●

Are you the same person you were 20 or 30 years ago? Even 10? Are we our same selves in any given era of life? Of course, the answer to each of these questions is “no.”

Times change, and eras or “epochs” of our lives change with them. We can look back on who we were in high school, college, or graduate/law school, and so on, and we were continually changing, hopefully evolving as individuals. Similarly, when we became parents, our needs and selves adapted. For example, being a mom or dad to a toddler was different from raising teenagers. Times and needs change, and these truths are no different in our marriages.

When speaking with my clients, it often seems they once had a “Hollywood” mentality regarding marriage. There are many films featuring couples living happily ever after as if the happy moments we enjoy will be the day-to-day norm and everything will work out perfectly. It is tragic to me that most people going through divorce realize that they have experienced just that: fantasy. They did not sign up for the tough times and were caught unaware of the tremendous amount of commitment, work, and compromise marriage takes over time and eras. As it often turns out, we do not always grow in the same ways, and everyone’s eras are uniquely their own.

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4 Conversations to Have before Tying the Knot

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Stacy D. Phillips

I love a good wedding, and even more than that, a strong, healthy marriage where both parties feel fulfilled and share control. I am going to two weddings in August, including a COVID-delayed wedding where the couple has already gotten married and had a child but are finally able to celebrate with family and friends, and the other one a new wedding.

After two years of pent-up demand due to COVID-related cancellations, rescheduling, and waiting, 2022 is predicted to be the busiest wedding season in many years, according to The Wedding Report. A good number of these may be receptions for already married couples whose weddings were derailed in 2020 and 2021, but still signify the beginning of a lifetime commitment.

While successful wedding days take months of careful planning and coordination, many couples put surprisingly smaller effort into charting out the fundamental elements and plans for their marital relationship. Having honest pre-wedding conversations with your partner about the big subjects will not only help you gain an understanding of what the rest of your life may look like, but can help mitigate, bypass, overcome, handle, or otherwise cope with control issues that could wreck your marriage. I recommend that engaged couples have open, two-way conversations surrounding their goals and expectations for family, financials, careers, and lifestyle. Ideally, these discussions should have taken place long before the engagement.

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