A Divorce Court’s Primer on Requesting Sole Custody

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, August 21, 2024 —

Domestic violence in the post-pandemic era continues to be at the forefront of divorce practice. This author has written previously on the need—for the sake of the many victims—to expand our views of domestic violence beyond physical violence, as domestic violence can and does take many different forms.

One of those forms derives from the use of language in communications, be it by email, text message, or, as was the case in L.W. v. J.U., 2024 NY Slip Op 50879(U) (Sup. Ct. Westchester County, July 9, 2024) (Justice James L. Hyer), communications sent on the Our Family Wizard application “which is intended to serve as a mode of communication between parties involved in high conflict custody matters.”

In custody disputes, divorce lawyers may be asked by clients something along the lines of “under what circumstances can I get sole custody?”

A mere difference in parenting styles (e.g., Mom believes in “no screens” and Dad is more lenient with “screen time”; Dad prepares a continental breakfast for the children whereas Mom throws frozen waffles in the toaster for the children) is unlikely to warrant an award (or discussion) of sole custody.

To be in sole custody territory, the conduct of one of the parents needs to be closer to what a reasonable person would consider extreme such that it puts a child’s physical and/or emotional wellbeing in patent jeopardy.

Read more on our website.

Epochs and Change. Facing Our Times, along with Ourselves.

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Protecting Your Family Matters Newsletter, Summer 2024 ●

Stacy D. Phillips ●

Are you the same person you were 20 or 30 years ago? Even 10? Are we our same selves in any given era of life? Of course, the answer to each of these questions is “no.”

Times change, and eras or “epochs” of our lives change with them. We can look back on who we were in high school, college, or graduate/law school, and so on, and we were continually changing, hopefully evolving as individuals. Similarly, when we became parents, our needs and selves adapted. For example, being a mom or dad to a toddler was different from raising teenagers. Times and needs change, and these truths are no different in our marriages.

When speaking with my clients, it often seems they once had a “Hollywood” mentality regarding marriage. There are many films featuring couples living happily ever after as if the happy moments we enjoy will be the day-to-day norm and everything will work out perfectly. It is tragic to me that most people going through divorce realize that they have experienced just that: fantasy. They did not sign up for the tough times and were caught unaware of the tremendous amount of commitment, work, and compromise marriage takes over time and eras. As it often turns out, we do not always grow in the same ways, and everyone’s eras are uniquely their own.

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The State of New York Divorce Practice

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, July 26, 2024 —

Compassion, humanity and the resources to act promptly are greatly needed when it comes to making sure that the matrimonial courts in New York are able to continue providing invaluable assistance to families in distress. Our matrimonial courts are tasked with protecting the best interests of children across this entire state. If our courts are slow to act due to backlog and insufficient resources then that reality has the potential to enable bad actors to prevail, secure in the knowledge that the courts may struggle to stop them. So the question I have is, have our matrimonial courts been provided with the resources necessary to protect children of divorce?

To answer that question, I decided to poll some of the many upstanding members of our Bar, as well as a retired judge, and get their views on the matter. To conclude this article, I will share my views as well.

Read more on our website.

Email Exchanges in Divorce Litigation Carry Immense Risk

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, June 28, 2024 —

Each and every day, when we step out of the front door, we take risks. Perhaps we are aware of them, and perhaps, we are not. If you read the newspaper, you are no doubt acutely aware of the risks that surround us in an increasingly precarious world.

As divorce lawyers, one of the risks we take hour by hour, minute by minute, involves the exchange of emails, whether with clients or our opposing counsel. It is essential that we monitor with exacting precision what we put in writing in the form of emails. That includes not only proofreading the text of our emails, but also the minutiae of triple-checking who is listed in the “To,” “Cc,” and “Bcc” fields, and what is written in the “Subject” field.

This author finds himself looking in the “Sent” folder multiple times after an email is sent, and then hours or even days later having flashbacks where I begin to second guess if I sent an email to all of the correct recipients. Why am I so obsessively compulsive about the emails that I send in my capacity as a divorce lawyer?

I can answer that question for you by directing your attention to the recent decision of the Supreme Court of the State of New York, County of Westchester, in J.G. v. L.G., 2024 NY Slip Op 50659(U) (Sup. Ct., Westchester Cty., June 3, 2024). If you have not yet read the decision, put your pencils down and please read it.

In J.G., the plaintiff-husband filed a motion requesting that certain emails between counsel be deemed a binding settlement agreement as to the issue of the disposition of the marital residence.

Read more on our website.

When There Are No Custody Heartstrings to Pull

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Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

New York Law Journal, June 4, 2024 —

There is something about parental arguments over children, otherwise known as custody disputes in the matrimonial arena, that generate a spectrum of emotions not seen in the context of disputes over dollars. Certainly, financial disputes carry their own set of emotions for divorcing spouses. But custody disputes tend to open the door to claims made in litigation that, from the outsider’s attentive view, are sometimes a bridge too far.

How can we explain the tendency of litigants to overreach when it comes to custody disputes? First, there is the salt on the wound feeling from shifting from a world in which a parent (stay at home or working) expects to see their child each day to a world in which days are spent by a parent without his or her child in the home.

Ashleigh Louis, Ph.D., a mediator with a background as a dual-licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist who does work for Quantum ADR, describes the feeling of absence as follows: “Every moment that is allocated to the other parent is time that parent does not get to spend with their child, and the absence of control and oversight over their child’s wellbeing can set off a cascade of worry and distress. There tends to be significant hurt, anger, resentment, sadness, and other challenging feelings that can permeate the ongoing lens through which they view the other parent, not only in their relationship with each other, but also in their relationship with their shared children.”

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Navigating the Nuances of LGBTQ+ Divorce in California

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

The end of a marriage is always challenging for the couple involved, and the impact on family members can be significant. Those in LGBTQ+ marriages are no different. Issues around child custody, property division, spousal support, and the enforcement of prenuptial agreements all apply to same-sex couples.

In California, there is no common-law marriage. In some cases, the LGBTQ+ couple may not have been married long at the time of the divorce, but they may have been together for much longer than the marriage itself. Whether they were registered as a domestic partnership will make a difference. In such cases, the couple will have similar rights and obligations as those married for the same length of time.

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In the News

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Below is a roundup of our attorneys’ recent awards, recognitions, media, and other accomplishments from around the country.

Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Dating, and Divorce: Oh My!
May 29, 2024 – Blank Rome partner Alan R. Feigenbaum will join Judge Matthew F. Cooper (New York State Supreme Court, Retired) to present “Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Dating, and Divorce: Oh My!” a Federal Bar Association myLawCLE program being held Wednesday, May 29, 2024, from 1:00 to 2:40 p.m. EDT, as a live online webinar.

Marilyn B. Chinitz, Kristina Royce, and Brett S. Ward Recognized in Variety’s Legal Impact Report 2024
April 17, 2024 – Blank Rome is pleased to share that Matrimonial & Family Law partner Marilyn B. Chinitz and practice co-chairs and partners Kristina Royce and Brett S. Ward have been recognized in Variety’s 2024 Legal Impact Report.

Following in the Footsteps of Trailblazers and Serving as Role Models Today for the Next Generation of Women
April 17, 2024 – In this Love Bytes blog post, Stacy D. Phillips shares her feelings on women as trailblazers and how they can influence the generations to come.

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Attorney Spotlight: Philadelphia—Mary T. Vidas

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

This edition of Attorney Spotlight highlights one of my revered Philadelphia colleagues in Blank Rome’s Matrimonial & Family Law group—Mary T. Vidas.

Mary T. Vidas
Partner

A graduate of Georgetown University and the Temple University Beasley School of Law, Mary has been practicing law for 40 years and is a preeminent member of our firm’s Matrimonial & Family Law practice group. Mary began her career at Blank Rome as a Litigation Law Clerk working in matrimonial as well as asbestos litigation and personal injury law. After a time of splitting her work across these different practices, Mary eventually transitioned completely to matrimonial and family law, having taken to it well, and has enjoyed working with her clients throughout her storied career as a lawyer. During her career, Mary has served inter alia, as Chair of the American Bar Association’s Section of Family Law as well as presently serving as Chair of the ABA Family Law Section’s Strategic Planning Committee. She is currently the Family Law Section Delegate to the ABA House of Delegates. She has also been a frequent lecturer for the Pennsylvania Bar Institute, the Academy of Matrimonial Law, the Family Law Section of the American Bar Association, and the Pennsylvania Institute of CPAs. Mary has also worked with the Philadelphia Bar Association’s Judicial Commission leading investigations into judicial candidates and was recently honored as the Bar Association’s “Bar Star” for her work in this regard. Mary truly is a “Bar Star.”

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The Counseling Stigma. Breaking Away and Rising Above.

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Protecting Your Family Matters Newsletter, Spring 2024 ●

Stacy D. Phillips ●

Change is not only part of our life’s journey; it is the journey. Relationships, the experience of going through a divorce, and certainly our existence post-divorce are no exceptions. Even if the divorce was our choice, it can be and often is a daunting experience. That is putting it mildly. Professional therapy and counseling are options available to help us cope with hard times and emotions—a way to understand our world and ourselves better. Nevertheless, there are historical perceptions and myths that persist even to this day concerning visiting a therapist or even seeking counsel, and cultural habits can die hard.

When meeting and discussing divorce with my clients, I regularly suggest seeking counseling. Such treatment should not be disparaged. Beyond speaking to a lawyer during this process, one should have a therapist to talk with throughout the divorce. To not talk about our emotions, however negative or even harmful, is completely counterintuitive to the purpose of moving on and forward in life. Before, during, or after a divorce, professional counseling is helpful. If we cannot move forward, we will be forever haunted by our own emotions. But if we can rise above the emotional pain, we can also rise above any cultural stigma standing in our way.

Read more on our website.

Following in the Footsteps of Trailblazers and Serving as Role Models Today for the Next Generation of Women

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Stacy D. Phillips ●

When I was growing up, there were only a few visible career choices for women and even fewer high-profile role models. The traditional roles for women outside of being a homemaker and mother (which are truly admirable and hard-working jobs) often included being a teacher, a highly visible profession for women. Being a teacher is a commendable and (sadly) generally unappreciated profession, but it simply was not for me. Women had other professional options, like being in the medical profession as a nurse or doctor, but unfortunately, I hated needles, so I ruled them out quickly.

My mother was a travel agent, and after watching her suffer through that challenging profession, I quickly crossed that one off the list. Before I was born and through my early years, my mother was also a clothing buyer for a department store, which appealed to me more, particularly given my life-long love for clothes and fashion. However, in the end, I would have needed to be sufficiently passionate about retail sales to take the plunge, and I was not.

Following in the Family Business

My father, grandfather, and several relatives were highly accomplished lawyers, making going into the law field a no-brainer. Beyond the considerable influence of my dad, the thing that inspired me to pursue the law was seeing the success of two women who were his law partners. These two high-powered, well-known female attorneys made a lasting impression on me. One played a pivotal role in drafting the equitable distribution statute for the State of New York, which governs the division of assets in the event of a divorce. These trailblazers showed that women could make a difference in this profession and succeed. Their accomplishments resonated with my desire to make a difference, open doors for women, and bring the highest ethical standards to my work.

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