Back in the Game. Is There Such a Thing as Dating Too Soon?

Stacy D. Phillips ●

Whether expected or unexpected, divorce, especially after many years together, marks a profound new beginning. It may bring the prospect of dating again or the opportunity to build a fulfilling life on your own. Either way, you are entering new and unfamiliar territory. As with so much in life, timing matters, and only we can decide when we are ready for what comes next.

How soon should you date after becoming single? There is no universal answer, whatever advice you hear. One friend may suggest six months; another, longer. Everyone heals at their own pace: two individuals can leave the same relationship on the same day, yet one may feel ready to date again within months while the other needs years. A new connection may be genuine, a rebound, or an “escape” from the previous relationship. Given the range of experiences, it is easy to feel unsure about the timing.

The Volume Dial Is in Your Hands

From both a legal and practical standpoint, safeguarding yourself and your loved ones should remain a priority. If you begin dating again, resist the urge to announce it publicly or share it widely online. Avoid sharing details of your new relationship on social media, where a former spouse could see them and feel hurt. Spite is a spark that burns its own house down. At this stage, discretion and privacy are most certainly the wiser approach.

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New York May Have Fault Divorce Nostalgia Syndrome

New York Law Journal, February 5, 2024 ●

Alan R. Feigenbaum ●

However it may be that you define the word “romance,” it is undeniable that romance runs through the river that is the divorce process. On a superficial level, that juxtaposition may seem incomprehensible, but even the divorce lawyer that is half paying attention knows full well that romance is part and parcel of the divorce story.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Some divorcing persons decree that they will never partake in any romantic relationships for the rest of time. Many, however, cannot resist the allure of togetherness, and that brings us to the topic of dating during divorce, and more specifically, the Appellate Division, First Department’s recent decision in Allen v. Allen, 2023 N.Y. Slip Op. 06588 (N.Y. App. Div. 2023).

This author was admittedly surprised at the sheer volume of articles, blogs, and punditry online about the topic of dating during divorce, and whether or not it is “allowed” in New York while a divorce action is pending. A Google search of “can you date during divorce in New York” yields an affirmative answer but with caveats and warnings of potentially entering the Gates of Hades.

Some websites respond to the question with this quote: “those who choose to do this should be extremely cautious.” Others advise that dating during divorce “isn’t a great idea.” Then there are the “dos and don’ts” of dating during divorce, how to “take it slow,” and not to be forgotten in our current culture, how to “use the apps” during divorce.

Putting aside the mountain of talking heads on this topic, in New York’s “irretrievable breakdown” (i.e., no-fault) divorce structure—which as I will discuss below is not a true no-fault regime—dating during divorce should in theory be a non-issue, unless of course in the financial context there are issues of marital waste.

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